Humorous Quotes

I could tell by their audible gasps that the people on the beach were jealous of me when I found five shark’s teeth. Locating them wasn’t really the problem, but pulling them out of my leg was. - Jarod Kintz

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?" - Rita Rudner

There’s a whole category of people who miss out by not allowing themselves to be weird enough. - Alain de Botton

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. - Jean Kerr

It can’t be a good sign when your fortune cookie starts out with “Are you sitting down?” - Tom Wilson

She asked me if I wanted to attend her wedding, and I started crying as I said, “I do.” - Jarod Kintz

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. - Thomas Szasz

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable. - George Ade

The newspapers of utopia ... would be terribly dull. - Arthur C. Clarke

My dog is an atheist: he no longer believes in me. - Francois Cavanna

A bright eye indicates curiosity; a black eye, too much. - Evan Esar

I did a few researchers to get that information. - Ellen Hasselbalch

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