Humorous Quotes

A smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me… well… that’s a sign of good taste. - Unknown

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road. - Stephen Hawking

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping, you can exchange it for something you really like. - Adrienne Gusoff

I am determined my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is. - Charles Lamb

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. - Mitch Hedberg

No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. - Channing Pollock

Wouldn’t it be nice if the world was flat? That way we could just push off the people we don’t like. - Unknown

There are some with brains and some without. It makes for a better division of labour. - Bertolt Brecht

You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I'm a man of simple pleasures, really. - Arthur Darvill

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. - Bill Watterson

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