Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their colour. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their colour is unthinkable. - Unknown
They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. - Wilt Chamberlain
Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century. - Dame Edna Everage
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his check book open. - Groucho Marx
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. - Woody Allen
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday. - Unknown
Every boy who has a dog should also have a mother, so the dog can be fed regularly. - Evan Esar
Lying is the most fun a woman can have without taking her clothes off. - Natalie Portman
It's awful knowing that one seventh of our life will be wasted on Mondays. - Unknown
You should learn from your parents’ mistakes – try using some birth control. - Unknown
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. - Anthony G. Oettinger
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. - Woody Allen
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